"Quit Screwin' Around and Just Go Straight"

by

Timothy Kast

Racing people watch racing on television no matter what type of racing is on, right? That said, did anyone catch Danica Patrick swerving to supposedly warm up her tires at the IRL in Milwaukee? Nyuk, Nyuk!! Did everyone hear her crew chief tell her, "Quit screwing' around, just go straight, you're wasting gas"? Well, shades of reading National Privateer!! Holy Smokes, Batman, maybe he read To Swerve Or Not to Swerve?

Seriously folks, it's not too late for sanctioning bodies to ban this first-year rookie habit. How many goofy starts or restarts will we have to endure before the racers quit this vile practice? Race hardware is expensive; it goes a lot faster if it's not laying on its side!!

A German automobile manufacturer adopted the slogan, "Never Follow." That makes for excellent advertising copy, but it's really sort of stating the obvious. Every racer understands the firstest with the mostest concept, right? I would rather concentrate on a little better mantra, "Think for yourself". Now that might follow right on the heels of "Never Follow" as far as stating the obvious goes, but I like to think the idea has merit.

Allow me to elucidate once again. The forces at work on a racing motorcycle or automobile are staggering when a racer coerces the tires into some sort of adhesion in a swerve. The rubber molecules shear rather than warm up gently. The normal process involves timing, patience and skill to warm the tire gradually with masterful persistence until the tire 'flowers' or ripens and the sandpapery finish begins to spread evenly across the traction surface of the tire. You cannot bypass this all important process. Sheared rubber loses much of its lateral strength and that leaves it open to the rigors of racing. Heat, encounters with fuel, oil or petroleum products, or impacts can stress the tire carcass beyond its design parameters. Let me remind you, that you are doing this to your tires voluntarily. Nobody forced you to swerve at the start of a race. You did that because you were overcome with a case of the dumb ass.

When I say that sheared rubber loses much of its lateral strength, I mean that the tire carcass is often damaged irreparably. The cords and belts, laid in sequence as the tire is built, will pull or tug in the direction of the rubber being sheared; then later as the heat rises in response to the speed, those same belts will shift, bind or ultimately separate. Now that the carcass, the frame of your tire, if you will, is compromised the tread now becomes like a big winter coat on a 95 degree day. Sooner or later, it's gonna come off. This becomes apparent to most racers as 'chunking'. What's happening with your tire is that the shearing and the heat together with a little petrochemicals have 'unlocked' your tire. It is now a lab specimen in some tire company's research department, where some poor overpaid factory employee is going to do a failure analysis on your tire.

Imagine too, all the one-off suspension components screaming 'HELP ME!!', as the over-worked Heim joints jerk the wheels and tires in spastic syncopation. You know that really has to squeeze her crew chief's brain. Whenever someone has handed you an irreplaceable high-zoot race part, they always tell you," there's only this one, don't break it!!" WTF??

In my literary meanderings I often try to inculate my dear readers with some shard of wisdom that you will find useful someday at the racetrack or paddock. I hope I have explained myself adequately so that 'swerving' is no longer a habit.

I would beg the reader also to see that it is not an attack on Danica Patrick, but a plea with her to better understand her tires and equipment. I have the utmost confidence that any lass that can execute a Dukes of Hazzard, in your face, uterus to the wall ,"backwards bootlegger' on the straightaway at Indianapolis could be nothing finer than a ________RACER!!!